I started another post that was still too long, because I'm having a hard time using only a few words.
My third attempt:
The long and short of it is that I am physically tired and healing. I'm not doing as well emmotionally as I let on. The funeral is this Friday, four weeks to the day that I lost my baby.
Fridays are difficult days. I wake up every morning and think, "I should be...weeks right now," or "I should be feeling flutters right now." To top it off, I'll be about to start. A lovely reminder of what isn't.
And I've been told the first one will be very physically painful as my body completes cleaning itself from the baby that is no longer there.
My Aunt would understand this.
And my mother, who has used me as her whipping post for all my life and verbally attacked me when I called to console her (the eldest heard it all), will expect me to hold her hand and hug her.
And I've injured my back and can't sit for long periods of time. A four hour one-way trip is a long time.
I can NOT do this.
~*~*~Krystal~*~*~
3 comments:
Our condolences during this time of sorrow and misfortune.
Don't go. Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, Krystal.
I hope you did what was best for YOU.
I hope you realize that your feelings matter. There is no time limit on grief. A mother's love is intense.
I avoided at least a dozen family gatherings after Angel's death and my miscarriage that was six months later.
Put yourself first right now. It's alright.
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