Regis and the Dumb Blond

It started off as Regis and Kathie Lee. Okay, I watched it a couple times and just wanted to shoot them both.

Then Kathie Lee decides to leave and they start interviewing replacements. The only requirements appear to be that the replacement had to be the typical dumb blond and she had to make Regis look less stupid than he is.

So they found Kelly.

I'd like to take an ax to her head ... and all I've ever seen of her is clips.

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

200-Year-Old Cheese Chase Canceled

Why make up news when the real news is just FULL of stuff we can make fun of?!

Organizers ax 200-year-old cheese chase English race is cancelled due to overcrowding worries

LONDON - A 200-year-old English race in which competitors chase round cheeses rolling down a hillside has been canceled this year because of overcrowding concerns.

Organizers say the event in Gloucestershire in southwestern England has become so popular that anticipated crowds have far outgrown the capacity of the location.

The event has been held at Cooper's Hill since at least 1826.

Organizers said Friday that thousands of people tried to attend last year and some 19 spectators were injured while watching competitors run after — and tumble down — the steep, slippery hill in pursuit of a 7-pound Double Gloucester cheese.

One organizer, Richard Jefferies, told the BBC: "... Last year, the police estimate was 15,000 and they reckon it will be even more this year because it has got so internationally well-known..."

The BBC said all the cheeses rolled down the hill were made by Diana Smart, 83, at her farm at Birdwood in the Forest of Dean, England.

She told the broadcaster that she was "shattered" by the cancellation.

"I'm shaking at the prospect of not having any cheese-rolling," she said.

The winner of each race ... wins the cheese.

Seriously?!

O!
M!
G!

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

In the Freaking News ... Heaven Help Us ...

'JihadJane' Charged With Recruiting Terrorists Online

"PHILADELPHIA (March 10) -- The self-described "Jihad Jane" who thought her blond hair and blue eyes would let her blend in as she sought to kill an artist in Sweden is a rare case of an American woman aiding foreign terrorists and shows the evolution of the global threat, authorities say."

Oh heaven help me! Now they have an excuse to harrass me at the airport...

LaRose is a convert to Islam who actively recruited others, including at least one unidentified American, and her online messages expressed her willingness to become a martyr and her impatience to take action, according to the indictment and the U.S. official.

I've said it! She may be a blue eyed blond ... BUT SHE'S ANOTHER FREAKING MUSLIM!

And on to self-absorbed full of herself Hollywood, sometimes I'm gay, sometimes I'm NOT stone or drunk, washed up starlet Liiiiiiindsay Loooooooohan.

Lindsay Lohan Reportedly Suing E-Trade for Ad

Lindsay Lohan is reportedly suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that the company's new commercial about a boyfriend-stealing, "milkaholic" baby -- who happens to be named Lindsay -- was modeled after her. Lohan reportedly wants $100 million, The NY Post reports. Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, told the newspaper that the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. "Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit," Ovadia said.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SERIOUSLY?! She thinks she's up there with MADONNA and OPRAH?! This brat has so fried her brain. She's delusional!

In the ad, a baby boy apologizes to his girlfriend via video chat for not calling her the night before. The suspicious girlfriend asks, "And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn't over?""Lindsay?" the boy replies, just before a baby girl sticks her head into the frame and slurs, "Milk-a-what?"

"They used the name Lindsay," Ovadia said. "They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

And who's fault is it, exactly, that her life COULD be used a parady to begin with?! Personally, I never thought of Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiindsy Loooooooooooohan, when *I* saw the commercial.

And why not use the name "Susan"? How about "Sarandon"? That came to me right away. I guess that ALL actors, actresses, and sniveling Hollywood types should get excluuuuuuuuusive right to their name ... kinda like how McDonald's thinks they own anything that starts with "Mc" ...

According to the NY Post, Ovadia said, "E-Trade has violated Lohan's rights under New York state civil-rights law and used her 'name and characterization' in business without paying her or getting her approval."

Aaaaah, I understand. Her self acclaimed "characterization" is that of a boyfriend stealing milk-a-holic ... Last I heard she was a muff diving, same sex oriented, sober, and clean young actress with her act together.

Guess not.

Scratching my blue-eyed blond head...

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

In the News - Part Two - The Airline Security Joke

Last on my list ... and deserving of its OWN post!

New security measures being considered, and at some airports used, by the TSA. Pat downs of passengers may become a standard practice. It is estimated to increase your pre-flight arrival time from one hour to three. While I relish the idea of being felt up by another woman in a public place with a few hundred onlookers, the reality is that smokin-hot, pregnant, blue-eyed, blonde knockouts, wearing blue jeans, $300 boots, a $65 hat and a cross AREN'T exactly known for their jihadist activities.

Now I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm willing to wager a dollar to a dime that there isn't a single terrorist out there that's a huge Charlie Daniels fan. Devil may have gone down to Georgia, but he didn't hijack a plane and fly it into a building on the way.

If you're dressed like this, you're good.
God bless Charlie Daniels!
So having ruled out smokin-hot, pregnant, blue-eyed, blonde knockouts and country loving, red necked Charlie Daniels fans as potential threats, I think there may be a few OTHER groups we can rule out as well. For example, the Amish. You could smack these people in the side of the head with a 2x4 and they won't hit you back. I think it's fairly safe to say that they aren't interested in taking down an airplane. Mennonites, may use colored fabric for their dresses and buttons, drive cars, use electricity, but they're non-violent as well. Safe.

Jews. Definitely NOT jihadists.

Atheists wouldn't do ANYTHING in the name of God because they don't believe He exists. Agnostics couldn't care less if God exists one way or the other. Neither of these groups are big recruitment/breeding grounds for jihadist activities.

Wiccans are pretty much into sending "positive energy" into the universe, as are those believers of various Eastern Religions (Indians, Asians). And to clarify "Indians", I mean those from India. However, I don't think that Native Americans spend too much time planning out terror attacks either. They're pretty big into good energies as well.

Witches would cast a spell, not build a bomb.

Hispanics and Italians may be involved in gangs, or the glorified "mob", but they're more about taking out people who interfere with their "activities" and people who get in their way. Yeah, their gangs can wreak havoc on innocent people, they're to blame for a good amount of crime, and it costs the taxpayers money, but they're all Catholic. Catholics aren't exactly notorious for jihads. In fact, I can't remember a single plane hijacking/bomb/terrorist threat to the U.S. from the Catholics. And gangsters are really into self-preservation. They might pop a cap in your ass, but they sure as sugar aren't going to kill themselves in an effort to kill other people for the purposed of proving a point.

Our group already pretty much includes most white males, but we did have the unibomber. So I guess anti-social white males who are skittish and suspicious might have to be considered. But those are few are far between. Most white males traveling by plane are with their family or on the cell phone conducting business. So I'd have to say that the overwhelming majority of white males are also safe. And let's face it, with all of the predominately white countries and people out there, how many white guys have hijacked/blown up airplanes going to the U.S.? Not saying it's never happened, but the security issues enacted are because of terrorist activities that WEREN'T carried out by white people.

Let's see who is on our list of groups NOT known for hijacking airliners:

smokin-hot, pregnant, blue-eyed, blonde knockouts
Charlie Daniels fans
Amish
Mennonites
Jews
Atheists
Agnostics
Wiccans
Witches
Indians
Asians
Native Americans
Hispanics
Italians
Catholics
overwhelming majority of white people

Let's.
Figure.
Out.
Who's.
Left.

Well, to help out the idiots who may stumble onto this post, let's take a look at the faces of the 9/11 hijackers, shall we?

Here are their names:
American Airlines Flight 11
Hijackers: Mohamed Atta al Sayed (Egyptian), Waleed al-Shehri (Saudi Arabian), Wail al-Shehri (Saudi Arabian), Abdulaziz al-Omari (Saudi Arabian), Satam al-Suqami (Saudi Arabian).

United Airlines Flight 175
Hijackers: Marwan al-Shehhi (from the United Arab Emirates), Fayez Banihammad (from the United Arab Emirates), Mohand al-Shehri (Saudi Arabian), Hamza al-Ghamdi (Saudi Arabian), Ahmed al-Ghamdi (Saudi Arabian).

American Airlines Flight 77
Hijackers: Hani Hanjour (Saudi Arabian), Khalid al-Mihdhar (Saudi Arabian), Majed Moqed (Saudi Arabian), Nawaf al-Hazmi (Saudi Arabian), Salem al-Hazmi (Saudi Arabian).

United Airlines Flight 93
Hijackers: Ziad Jarrah (Lebanese), Ahmed al-Haznawi (Saudi Arabian), Ahmed al-Nami (Saudi Arabian), Saeed al-Ghamdi (Saudi Arabian).

Anyone notice the the common threads? Yup. All Arabs. Yup. All Muslims.

I delayed until now to discuss the blacks because we do have a gray area here. There are Arabs who look black. Plus, there ARE a growing number of blacks that are joining a certain religion that DOES promote jihad. So they might warrant a second look if they're carrying a koran or if their name includes "Mohamed" or, I don't know, "HUSSEIN", as in Barrack HUSSEIN Obama.

Having gone through our list of people who AREN'T threats to airliners and having identified the ONE group that IS, I'd like to say that the U.S. government is wasting our time! They're so damned afraid of offending the group of people the terrorists are coming from that they are choosing to offend us all.

And I'm freaking tired of it!

If they didn't waste time pulling random names from passenger lists, like happened to my NINE-YEAR-OLD SON, and asking for identification ("Hey, son, whip out your driver's license. While you're at it, show the idiot your hospital ID tag as well. You're a real life Doogie Howser and I'm mighty proud!"), they could possibly pay more attention to the people the REAL threat comes from.
Our son. We're so proud!
I don't mind going through the metal detector and I don't mind having my bags scanned, but not being allowed to bring my own snacks and bottle of water and being forced to pay $15 for a sandwich, chips and glorified bottled TAP water (ie, Dansani) because there might be explosives hidden in the bologna, gets to me. WHITE WOMEN AREN'T BLOWING UP AIRPLANES, YOU STUPID DUNG HOLES!

Putting all of us through such invasion security measures as pat downs, and such annoying and ass-backwards security measures as showing your ID, twice, because your name was "randomly selected" makes as much sense as searching the house of a black family because someone down the street has a cross burned on their front yard.

So I say that every Muslim or Arab who flies should show up three hours early and be prepared for a freaking cavity search should security deem it necessary (that's all the pat downs will do, force them to hide the goods somewhere you can't feel it in a pat down). That goes double for any woman wearing a bag for a dress and another for a head covering and for any man traveling with a woman wearing a bag for a dress and another for a head covering. THOSE are the people involved in jihadist activities. THOSE are the people sneaking on bombs and weapons. THOSE are the people who pose a threat.

STOP WASTING MY TIME, MY MONEY, MY ENERGY! MOST OF ALL STOP BEING PASCIFYING PANSIES, GROW SOME BALLS AND CALL A SPADE A SPADE! THE MUSLIMS ARE THE THREAT! NOT THE REST OF US!

And if any Muslims out there doesn't like it, then stop the terrorists yourself. Too many of you know who the whack jobs are. You know who the radicals are. You know which mosques across the world are recruiting. So do something about it and stop being whiney freaking crybabies!

Until then, drop your pants and bend over. There's something they need to check you for!


'Nough Said!
~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

1 billion years from now...

That's right, a billion years from now (or maybe two or three billion) scientists say the sun will boil away the oceans and we'll have no beach to go to. That's right, there are actually "scientists" out there spending time figuring out what will happen in 1-3 billion years from now. Better change your future vacation plans.

Aside from the fact that these idiots who come up with this drivel get PAID for it, is the fact that they come up with it in the first place. Seriously...a billion years from now... We have world hunger, an energy crisis, and an imbecile epidemic right NOW. Who gives a crap about a billion years from now?!

With the idiocy that is going on in this world now, I'll be amazed if the human race will survive the next 100 years, much less the next 1,000,000,000 or more. We are becoming more stupid than intelligent. We are DEvolving. Our future generations will soon be loosing the opposable thumb. Eventually our multi-great grand children will end up back in the water as fish as in The Incredible Mr. Lipid. It's an old Don Knox movie...check it out...it's a brilliant foreshadowing of what we can expect in a BILLION years from now. At least until the sun boils away the oceans and our DNA is completely erased from the planet.

On another note...Barbara Boxer... ***In my absolute best nasally whiny voice***, "Call me senator, I've worked hard to get here..." or something like that, to a General for calling her "ma'am". I'm amazed she can breath with her head so far up her own ass. I got a name he can call her. In fact I have a few. Maybe I should give him a ring.

I wonder if she truly appreciates his putting his life on the line to protect her right to stick her head up her own ass... Just a thought is all. Maybe I should give HER a ring and share my thoughts as well.

I installed our new hot water heater yesterday. I did the disconnect and the new wiring. I would have done all of it (screw in the water lines, lengthen the pvc hot steam evacuation line), but the water lines were rusted on and I had to borrow some solvent from a friend who happens to be a pipe fitter... Yes, this woman can install a hot water heater. And I'm pretty darn proud of it. Not that it's rocket science or anything... cold water line to the cold water intake at the top of the heater, hot water line to the hot water exit on the top of the heater, black wire to black wire with end caps and tape, red wire to white wire with end caps and tape, grounding wire around the little green screw and tighten. Simple stuff. Took thirty minutes. The plumber wanted $400+ to do it!

In this healing process of mine, I'd like to clarify a couple "medical" terms. The medical diagnosis from the hospital reads "incomplete abortion". Pay close attention here, because this just made me want to rip someone's face off. Just so you all know, I'm not saying anything against anyone here. I have friends who have had both an abortion and a miscarriage and they say they're two different things. I'm just pointing out that they are medically different and one term does NOT fit both.


When a woman makes a willful decision to "terminate" and "evacuate" a "fetus" from her body for whatever reason...that is an abortion.

When a mother's baby nestled inside her womb dies, even though the mother was doing all she knew to protect her baby, and the mother delivers that little tiny child of hers in tears of sorrow because she loved her baby...that is a miscarriage.

It would be nice for the medical community to distinguish between the two because they are NOT the same thing. It would also be nice to refer to someone's baby as "baby" instead of "viable fetus". It just made me want to scream, "BABY!!! BABY!!! BABY!!!" at the top of lungs.

Just something for you medical personnel out there to think about.

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

About Global Warming...Cooling...

I wrote the following in response to a comment made at Brooke's blog. I wanted to post it here for those of you who may not read it otherwise.

"That's akin to saying a single human with a chain gun wouldn't be able to have any influence on an elephant if it fired round after round at its hide."

If the elephant weighed 6,768,838,943,539,200,000,000 tons and was as big as the earth, a single man with a chain gun WOULDN'T have much of an effect on the elephant at all.

"the fragility of the Earth's ecology and climate system have nothing to do with its hefty size, and as a collective race we CAN have a huge impact on its overall well being."

So now we're from ONE guy shooting an elephant to an entire race. Hey, I'm not saying we can't have some environmental impact. What I AM saying is that global cooling and warming has been going for much longer than the scientist say man has been on earth to cause it. That is an absolutely indisputable FACT.

Now there ARE environmental impacts we need to address. But when a bunch of "iiiiintelleeeectuals" start saying things that are completely and TOTAL asinine, they loose all credibility when it comes to the issues we ARE responsible for...like people who dump their old oil and paint into drainage that lead out to fresh water supplies.

Blaming mankind for the NATURAL NORMAL AND HISTORICAL cyclical climate changes that the earth has been going through for MILLIONS of years, according to scientists, is asinine. It's outright STUPID. In fact, I have a bridge I'd like to sell All Bore.

And by the way, a SINGLE VOLCANO emits more carbon dioxide into the air in a single day than humans have since we've been on this planet. I'm sure there is a reason for that. And then, of course, there are the results of volcanic eruptions, like Tambora, Pinatubo, Vesuvius, Mt. St. Helens, just to name a few, that have happened in recent world history. Check out how THEY affected temperatures and for how long.

Get into ancient history and research Toba (72,000 BC) and the massive global cooling and loss of life it caused. And look at other super volcano eruptions (Yellowstone is an interesting one to investigate).

When you're done researching about how volcanoes affect our oh so fragile ecology, start looking into supernova shockwaves.

I'm not even a scientist and I know these FACTS. And I also know that Mother Earth is NOT as fragile as some asshats would like everyone to believe.

Anyone who thinks that man has that much control over the climate and natural cycles of our planet has a real ego issue.

In the grand scheme of things, we're like sugar ants trying to move a Mac truck. Short of all out nuclear war, we're pretty much at the mercy of the earth's own powerful forces, which laugh at the "magnitude" of our little bombs. More over, even if we did have all out nuclear war, the earth would clean itself over time. We just wouldn’t be here to witness it.


Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Courage the Cowardly Dog

Yes. We named our dog wrong. She should have been named Courage. Not just because the fireworks freaked her out last night and tonight, but because she was SO freaked out that she opened the front door, ran in the house wetting herself (and my floor).

She weighs about 75 pounds.

I grabbed her collar as she was trying to run up the stairs (carpet...!) and tried to drag her outside.

She peed on the floor again.

Hey, I dealt with the jumping through the screen to get on the back porch out of fear of thunder and lightning (she has a two car carport...why MUST it be the screened porch with my nice wicker furniture?). But the whole peeing all over my house because of fireworks ain't gonna cut it.

So I somehow managed to dragged her shedding cowardly rear back outside where she's lived her ENTIRE life and locked the front door. There is pee all over the front porch.

I would appreciate it, you stupid redneck hick who likes to set off fireworks when WE'VE HAD NO RAIN AND EVERYTHING IS DRY, if you would stop with the fireworks already. It's July 5th. Two nights of pissing dog is one night too many.

You stupid backwoods redneck hick who doesn't understand that we live in the middle of the woods and trees do things...LIKE BURN!

How can I NOT laugh?

Anyone remember the Valdez Oil Spill? Okay, well all these activists spent hundreds of hours cleaning oil of the animals. Now that was a nobel thing, don't get me wrong, I would have helped as well if I were there. They were going on and on about this one seal and how the death of this one seal could seriously impact the seal population. They were going overboard like they usually do. So they get the seal all cleaned up and they healthy and there's this big fanfare, TV cameras, etc, to witness the release of the seal that they had spent THOUSANDS on cleaning up and nursing to health.

So they release the seal and the seal scampers off into the waves. He's swimming out to find his seal friends and the children are cheering and the activists are crying for joy over the long life this seal will now lead

WHEN A GIANT WHALE COMES ALONG ABOUT MINUTE AFTER ITS RELEASE
AND
EATS
IT!

I bet that was THE mot expensive meal that whale had ever had! So anyway, when I read the following article I couldn't help but think about the seal and the whale and laugh at Knut's poor, innocent victims.

Polar bear Knut senselessly murders ten carp in front of zoo visitors

Knut, the once-cute celebrity polar bear turned vicious killer, is at the center of a controversy over his brutal slaughter of ten carp at the Berlin Zoo. The massive polar bear, who has lived at the zoo since birth, apparently fished the carp out of the moat surrounding him and ripped them to shreds in front of several disgusted zoo patrons.

One of Germany's top newspapers, Bild, ran the headline "Knut Embroiled in Carp Scandal," and featured an article which quoted animal rights groups who criticized zoo officials for placing live animals within Knut's reach.

It seems that Knut, the psychopathic killer that he is, eventually chowed down on the fish, but according to the BBC, "There is speculation that hand-reared Knut killed the carp just for fun." One German newspaper reported that Knut "senselessly murdered the carp" before leaving their remains.

I think Tyler Cowen says it best: "Umm... HE'S A POLAR BEAR!"