Anticardi*lipin Syndrome

/aka/ Antiphosph*lipid Syndrome
/aka/ AP* (*PS)
/aka/ Hu*hes Syndrome
Commonly referred to as "stic*y blood"

This is what caused me to miscarry. I received the definitive diagnosis from the doctor today.
What is this? It's an autoimmune disorder. Well, you can read all about it complete with technical terms here. But I like this one better because it's written to be easily understood. Mine is primary, which means that I don't have anything like L*pus or H*p or H*V. My blood just attacks itself...or something like that.

I have to take a children's aspirin every day now. If I go on a trip I might take take two. Every four hours max I have to get up and walk around as I'm at risk for blood clots. I can't take birth control pills (which is funny how I somehow KNEW not to take them all these years). I'm also going to have to watch my cholesterol and not be around cigarette smoke.

On the bright side, red wine and dark chocolate are both medicinal.

Back to the serious side, I've said from the beginning that Peanut had a purpose. EVERY life has a purpose. Had I not become pregnant and then miscarried, we may not have known about this until it was too late. Peanut may have saved my life, or at least my quality of life.

So I say again that EVERY life has its purpose. This was Peanuts.

You give and take away,
You give and take away,
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, blessed be Your Name.



Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

I Don't Want to Attend my Aunt's Funeral

I had this long detailed post, but saved it for me.

I started another post that was still too long, because I'm having a hard time using only a few words.

My third attempt:

The long and short of it is that I am physically tired and healing. I'm not doing as well emmotionally as I let on. The funeral is this Friday, four weeks to the day that I lost my baby.

Fridays are difficult days. I wake up every morning and think, "I should be...weeks right now," or "I should be feeling flutters right now." To top it off, I'll be about to start. A lovely reminder of what isn't.

And I've been told the first one will be very physically painful as my body completes cleaning itself from the baby that is no longer there.

My Aunt would understand this.

And my mother, who has used me as her whipping post for all my life and verbally attacked me when I called to console her (the eldest heard it all), will expect me to hold her hand and hug her.

And I've injured my back and can't sit for long periods of time. A four hour one-way trip is a long time.

I can NOT do this.


Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

1 billion years from now...

That's right, a billion years from now (or maybe two or three billion) scientists say the sun will boil away the oceans and we'll have no beach to go to. That's right, there are actually "scientists" out there spending time figuring out what will happen in 1-3 billion years from now. Better change your future vacation plans.

Aside from the fact that these idiots who come up with this drivel get PAID for it, is the fact that they come up with it in the first place. Seriously...a billion years from now... We have world hunger, an energy crisis, and an imbecile epidemic right NOW. Who gives a crap about a billion years from now?!

With the idiocy that is going on in this world now, I'll be amazed if the human race will survive the next 100 years, much less the next 1,000,000,000 or more. We are becoming more stupid than intelligent. We are DEvolving. Our future generations will soon be loosing the opposable thumb. Eventually our multi-great grand children will end up back in the water as fish as in The Incredible Mr. Lipid. It's an old Don Knox movie...check it out...it's a brilliant foreshadowing of what we can expect in a BILLION years from now. At least until the sun boils away the oceans and our DNA is completely erased from the planet.

On another note...Barbara Boxer... ***In my absolute best nasally whiny voice***, "Call me senator, I've worked hard to get here..." or something like that, to a General for calling her "ma'am". I'm amazed she can breath with her head so far up her own ass. I got a name he can call her. In fact I have a few. Maybe I should give him a ring.

I wonder if she truly appreciates his putting his life on the line to protect her right to stick her head up her own ass... Just a thought is all. Maybe I should give HER a ring and share my thoughts as well.

I installed our new hot water heater yesterday. I did the disconnect and the new wiring. I would have done all of it (screw in the water lines, lengthen the pvc hot steam evacuation line), but the water lines were rusted on and I had to borrow some solvent from a friend who happens to be a pipe fitter... Yes, this woman can install a hot water heater. And I'm pretty darn proud of it. Not that it's rocket science or anything... cold water line to the cold water intake at the top of the heater, hot water line to the hot water exit on the top of the heater, black wire to black wire with end caps and tape, red wire to white wire with end caps and tape, grounding wire around the little green screw and tighten. Simple stuff. Took thirty minutes. The plumber wanted $400+ to do it!

In this healing process of mine, I'd like to clarify a couple "medical" terms. The medical diagnosis from the hospital reads "incomplete abortion". Pay close attention here, because this just made me want to rip someone's face off. Just so you all know, I'm not saying anything against anyone here. I have friends who have had both an abortion and a miscarriage and they say they're two different things. I'm just pointing out that they are medically different and one term does NOT fit both.


When a woman makes a willful decision to "terminate" and "evacuate" a "fetus" from her body for whatever reason...that is an abortion.

When a mother's baby nestled inside her womb dies, even though the mother was doing all she knew to protect her baby, and the mother delivers that little tiny child of hers in tears of sorrow because she loved her baby...that is a miscarriage.

It would be nice for the medical community to distinguish between the two because they are NOT the same thing. It would also be nice to refer to someone's baby as "baby" instead of "viable fetus". It just made me want to scream, "BABY!!! BABY!!! BABY!!!" at the top of lungs.

Just something for you medical personnel out there to think about.

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

I feel empty and alone.

My husband is stuck 1,000 miles away with possible kidney stones. He's been trying to pass them on his own for two days and it isn't happening. He's seeking medical attention this morning.

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Not the post you're hoping to find.

Yesterday, I had a complication in my pregnancy. I went to the hospital where an ultrasound showed that my baby had no heart beat and had died several days earlier. I delivered my baby this afternoon around 2:15.

There are so many thoughts that are going through my mind right now. I have to ask myself why God chose to give me this baby for a while and then take my baby away. I can't help but wonder why. But I can honestly and truly say that while I ask that question, I am thanking Him for letting me have that little life inside of me to begin with. I was blessed to have felt the joy of new life again. Many women never get to have that feeling. I've been blessed with it many times over.

There's a song we sing in church that says, "You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name." That is the song that has been running through my mind since the onset. It is how I feel now.

I asked for an ultrasound picture of my baby. It is in a frame which my daughter has placed in the living room. Peanut, so named because at six weeks a baby is that size of a peanut, will never be forgotten...because Peanut was loved by two parents, five siblings, two grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, for a time.

Everyone deserves to be loved. Peanut was loved plenty.


Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

They say...

A picture paints a thousand words.

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But sometimes they only paint two.

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I'm pregnant!!!

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~