Made Me Laugh!!

So I went up online to double check what I legally have to answer in the census (number of people in the household). Anyway, I came cross this thread and it made me laugh a few times. Thought I'd share.

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Pants on the Ground

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

A Couple Videos ...

And for a little fun...

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Spiders on Drugs

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Some Things are Just Wrong!!

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Dear Dogs and Cats

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

REMEMBER, DOGS AND CATS ARE BETTER THAN KIDS BECAUSE THEY:
(1) eat less
(2) don't ask for money all the time
(3) are easier to train
(4) normally come when called
(5) never ask to drive the car
(6) don't want to wear your clothes
(7) don't have to buy the latest fashions
(8) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(9) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

You've Been Tagged

Okay, so Pobble tagged me while I had no electric and was FREEZING my arse off. I finally got to Florida to write my answers AT THIS POST. Thing is, I forgot to tag other people. So here is the list of people I tag. Okay, let's make it easy for me, if you read my blog, I tag you. Come on! Have a beer and play along!

I'm making it easy. Just copy below. I took out my own answers so you have less work. You can still read my answers HERE. Just leave a comment at this post to let me know you did it.

(1) Is there anyone on your friends list you would have sex with?

(2) Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

(3) Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?

(4) Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

(5) Shower or bath while having sex?

(6) Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?

(7) Do you like someone in your friends list?

(8) Love or Money?

(9) Credit card or cash?

(10) Have you ever wanted a best friend?

(11) Camping or a 5 star hotel?

(12) Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

(13) Would you shave your entire body (Including your head)?

(14) Have you ever been to a strip club?

(15) Ever been to a bar?

(16) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?

(17) Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?

(18) Had sex in a movie theater?

(19) Had sex in a bathroom?

(20) Have you ever had sex at work?

(21) Ever been to an adult store?

(22) Bought something from an adult store?

(23) Have you been caught having sex?

(24) Does anyone have naughty pics of you?

(25) Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?



Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Pobble Tagged Me

Pobble tagged me. I've had a couple beers.

(1) Is there anyone on your friends list you would have sex with? On Facebook or Blogger? My Bear is on Facebook and I totally do him as often as possible.

(2) Sex in the morning, afternoon or night? All three...in one day when I'm lucky.

(3) Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? I've been pregnant five times. So, uh, yes. And got harrassed by a cop for it too. Asshat.

(4) Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? No, but there's a part of me that would like to. Sorry, my inner ho is showing...

(5) Shower or bath while having sex? Done both

(6) Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? Yes to both. And creative...don't forget creative and adventurous.

(7) Do you like someone in your friends list? No. I hate them all. I wish they'd go away and leave me alone. Duuuuuhhh...

(8) Love or Money? Why isn't sex a choice? I'll go with love. I definately married for love...and sex. Bear's aMAZing!

(9) Credit card or cash? Cash

(10) Have you ever wanted a best friend? I have three. But my bestest best friend and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary.

(11) Camping or a 5 star hotel? That would depend on the time of the month. Sorry, Batman...

(12) Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? The sight of the last battle of the War of Northern Aggression (aka the Civil War, which is SO wrongly named by the simple definition of was a civil war really is). We conceived our second son there, against a tree, about 200 yards away from my in-laws.

(13) Would you shave your entire body (Including your head)? No!

(14) Have you ever been to a strip club? No, but I did see the Chippendales on stage

(15) Ever been to a bar? This IS America right?!

(16) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? No

(17) Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you? More than once

(18) Had sex in a movie theater? No

(19) Had sex in a bathroom? Yes

(20) Have you ever had sex at work? At my husband's job. Actually at two of his jobs. At one we were on the conference table, then in the hall, and then on his desk. It was right after I danced for him on the beach. Good times...

(21) Ever been to an adult store? Yes

(22) Bought something from an adult store? Yes

(23) Have you been caught having sex? Yes

(24) Does anyone have naughty pics of you? My husband has an entire folder full.

(25) Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name? No



Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Snowy Day Pictures and TMI Tuesday

Snowy Day Pictures

Thought I'd do a TMI Tuesday. I've done them on occasion. Amorous Rocker did one today and I figured to play along.

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO? Older or younger?

My husband is 6 1/2 years older than I am.

2. What is the greatest age difference between between and any sexual partner? Older or younger?
Again, my husband is 6 1/2 years older than I am.

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?
I've started, almost finished.

4. What are the chances there will be a "naughty" present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?
I doubt he'll put it under the tree, but he knows what I want and it would behoove him to get it. **wink wink**

5. What is your favorite holiday song?
Angels We Have Heard on High

Bonus (as in optional):Do you have a preferred time of day to have sex? If so, why?
After the kids have been dropped off at school. Don't think that needs any explanation.

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

HELP!

Thank-you, Batman for giving me the heads' up!




Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~

Which Star Wars Character Am I?

Your results:
You are Luke Skywalker

Luke Skywalker 74% Han Solo 74% Princess Leia 67% Obi-Wan Kenobi 67% R2-D2 67% Boba Fett 66% Chewbacca 64% Padme 64% Mace Windu 64% Qui-Gon Jinn 63%

You value your friends and loved ones, but can sometimes act recklessly because of your emotions. Occasionally you resort to whining. You look ahead to great things for yourself.

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)

Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Quiz


~*~*~Krystal Out~*~*~

Scroll on down to the bottom of my blog and pause the music. Then play this fanTABULOUS video!




~*~*~Krystal Out~*~*~

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

THIB'S FRIEND, BOUDREAUX: To show the armadillo that it can be done!!

~*~*~Krystal Out~*~*~

World's Smallest Political Quiz

Take the Quiz Yourself



You desire substantially less government control of economic activity and somewhat less government control over personal activity than is presently the case in the U.S. I used to classify this area as part of “Moderate Libertarian” but got many objections; I guess calling you a moderate libertarian is akin to calling a liberal Democrat a “Moderate Communist.”

Your views would be best represented by a mix of Libertarian and Republican representatives—assuming that it was possible to get a significant number of Libertarians elected. The Libertarian Party is still dominated by people far more radical than you though there is an ongoing effort to make the LP more inclusive and less radical. If you have the patience and willingness do deal with infighting, you may want to join this effort. Or, you might find my proposed new party more to your liking.

Approximately 8% of the takers of this quiz scored in this area.

Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve. If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through. But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack. You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

What Type of Passionate Woman Are You?

(Ironically, purple is my FAVORITE color!!!)

Guys Think You're Easy... Maybe Too Easy

You're a very sexy woman. The problem is, every guy you meet knows it. You can't help but put your sexuality out there for everyone to see (and sometimes sample). And while some guys love this approach, it scares off some good prospects. Save some of your seductive tricks for the right guy. He'll appreciate it more!

Are You An Easy Girl?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Are 80% Psychic

You are so very psychic. But you already predicted that, didn't you? You have "the gift" - and you use it daily to connect with others. You're very tapped into the world around you... Just make sure to use your powers for good!

Are You Psychic?

Your Worry Factor is 63%

The amount you worry is definitely borderline unhealthy. Even when things are going well, you find yourself fixating on the negatives. Try to remember the times you've been able to let your worries go. If you can do that again, you'll be much happier!

Do You Worry Too Much?

Creative Writing Time

The DIVA had a recent post about observations in the city. I liked the way she did it so I decided to right my own observations of my country life in the same style and order, just for fun. I hope a few others might do the same and let me know so I can go read it (or you can post it in the comments section).

Owls calling out their territory, wolves howling at the moon in the background, the toads and frogs making their presence know with their deep croaking. My nightly music sung to me by nature.

I look up into the clear country sky, left dark by the lack of city lights, and I see more stars than I ever imagined! I breath in the cool crisp clean air while my dogs sit at my feet and the cat rubs up against my leg. The chickens are all roosting in their coops and the goats are asleep in the barn.

Such sweet serenity surrounds me!

Because I Sell Eggs ***UPDATED***

According to THIS study, men who eat seven or more eggs a week were "associated with a 23 percent greater risk of death."

Now, call me CRAZY, but aren't we all pretty much guaranteed a 100% chance of death? I mean, it's one of the things in life that we can all count on. Isn't it?!

Important Announcement!!!

It is now official, the paperwork has been completed (did you know there's paperwork to be a write-in candidate?). Jeffrey L. Watts, AKA "Batman", has decided to run for President of the United States of America. He has asked me to be his running mate. I was honored, truly honored. After due and careful consideration, I have accepted to run with him for a chance to serve the people of this wonderful country.

So I am pleased to announce our 2008 bid for the White House.

More information will be forthcoming...

And so I've been told...

that if I'm caught with rolling papers on my person without cigarette tobaco also on my person that I can be arrested and charged with a mistameaner for possession of drug paraphanalia.

And if that ever happens I will challenge it to the U.S. Supreme Court. I use rolling papers for the following LEGAL purposes:

lip blotter
make-up blotter (for oily skin)
nail wraps for broken nails

Now why rolling papers? Because in some places (not around here) there are beauty supply stores that sell thin linen papers for the above purposes. They charge 2-3 times as much for a package with the same amount of papers. I do not feel that I should (a) have to drive 45 minutes away to find a beauty store (b) pay more for the same exact product in a pretty pink package (c) be treated like a friggin' criminal because SOME people choose to use legal items for illegal purposes.

And for the record, I have bleach, amonia, Sudafed and lye at my house. Does this mean I'm making meth? NO! It means that I keep a clean house, had a cold a few months back, and make homemade soap.

I love my country. I am as red-blooded American as you can get. I think this is the best country in the world (despite the humorous Presidential bids that are going on between some the absolute biggest worthless idiots the country has to offer).

But I am tired of seeing my freedoms slowing eroding away. We are INNOCENT in this country until PROVEN guilty. Slowly but surely laws are being written, slyly, which would served to make us guilty until proven innocent, take our freedom away, and put us under the authoritative rule of those elected officials whose job it is to make sure this doesn't happen in the first place. Like a frog in water that is slowing heated, too many people let these laws be. In this case they sit back and say, "Well, it's to combat the drug problem, so I'll give up a little bit of freedom."

Ben Franklin once said, "A man who is willing to give up a bit of freedom for a bit of security deserves neither."

And in case you're wondering, the frog will stay in that water until he is quite litterally boiled to death, even though the lid is off.

Now, onto OTHER equally important business...

I've been TAGGED, by Pobble

I am to give three reasons why I blog, and then tag three other people. I've given this some serious consideration, so here goes:

(1) Anonymity. I say a lot of things up here that I wouldn't say otherwise. I let my hair down (and sometimes my clothes too...OH NO!). I don't care what people think (as long as they leave a comment as I am a whore about the comment section). Around people I don't know super well I have a tendency to give nervous and babble on (I babble on about certain subjects anyway in front of people I know really well, but they love me anyway). So I loose my inhibitions behind my "pen name" and can let the inner me hang on out.

(2) I am a writer. I have been since I were a wee li'l one. I write essays for fun. I have a small series called "Fairy Tales for Gun Loving Conservatives". I just don't believe I'll ever be published, so I "publish" my thoughts at my blog. The more comments I get, the better I feel (that's why I'm a comments whore). I may never see my writings at Amazon.com (Pobble, I am sooooo foaming with jealousy...but the good kind), but when I see y'all's (I live in the South, that IS gramatically correct) comments, well that's good enough for me. See, this blog is all about ME and my need to be noticed!!!

(3) I started my first blog ("What is Birth Control") when a fried emailed me hers. I started a blog to keep up with a hand-full from school. But now I've met some really amazing people through my blog. Who knows, one day I may contact a few of you and go on a road trip to meet ya...

I'm an Apple Tree

Sometimes these things scare me with their accuracy. Oh, and I've been planning an apple and peach orchard...

You Are An Apple Tree

You are quiet and shy at times, but you have lots of charm and appeal.You are quite attractive: your pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, and adventurous spirit draw people in.Sensitive and loyal in love, you want to love and be loved.You are a faithful and tender partner - who is generous in sharing your many talents.You love children, and you need an affectionate partner.

What's" Your Celtic Horoscope?