The Death of a Child

A little boy in our town died yesterday afternoon. I found out about a little before 5:00 last night. They just celebrated his 8th birthday.

He didn't die in a tragic accident. They found a brain tumor almost two years ago. Since that time, they've traveled all over trying anything and everything so save their baby.

I was with my gramdma and my father when they died. I saw their life slip from them. And yet, just the THOUGHT of watching one of my babies...

My daughter is 7 1/2.

Parents shouldn't have to bury their children. It just isn't suppose to happen. There's this part of me that just wants to grab my little girl and cry until there aren't any more tears. But I won't because obviously it would upset her, but I don't know how selfish those tears would be. Would I be crying for the Mommy and Daddy who will be burying their baby this weekend? or would I be crying selfish fear-fulled tears from the world of "what if"? Plus I made a decision that I wasn't going to cry anymore when I was angry or upset.

I guess it would be a mixture of all three.

The pain must be unbearable. I know how hard September was for me. Kept thinking that I should be holding a new born. I don't think I would ever recover if I actually held a baby for eight years and then had him taken out of my life.

So this family was my first thought this morning. I knew I needed to pray for them.

I did push-ups instead. Ten perfectly executed push-ups.

And the closest thing I've come to being able to pray for them is saying, "Lord, I need to pray for them."

I think the problem is that once I start praying I KNOW I'm going to break down in tears, and I can't have that. I have put that wall back up around my emmotions to control them, and control them I will.

Of course, I don't believe that prayers necessarily start with "Dear Lord" and end in "Amen". I believe that our hearts send up prayers as well. I know my heart is sending up prayers and has been since yesterday.

I know because my heart hurts and my eyes keep misting over every time I think about them (misting is not the same as crying).

So, however you do it, please be praying for this family. The is a Mom, a Dad, and a baby sister.

~*~*~Krystal Out~*~*~