New Car!!

We bought a new Lexus, you know the one that parks itself but had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'

'Willie!' he continued and 'On the Road Again' came from the speakers.

Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, Soggy Bottom Boys,' I'd get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, Beatles,' I d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, '@ss Holes!'

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.