My Daddy had died about two hours earlier in his living room. I was with him and stayed until they took his body away.
In that Steak N Shake I had become numb. I was preparing for the 1,200 mile trip my family would be making for Daddy's funeral by making lists in my head.
I was to give his eulogy. No one asked me to give it. I had just started writing it a year earlier, knowing his days were short. I told him about it after he started at home Hospice care, a few weeks before his death. I told him it was the most important thing I had ever written and what I had so far. He was really touched. With tears in his eyes he gave me one request, that it focus more on Christ and less on him.
That was my Daddy.
I hope I achieved his last request to me and that I made him proud.
I'm not sharing this because I'm upset. In fact, I have no tears in my eyes, nor am I fighting them off.
Father's Day came and went without my even giving a passing thought to his absence. I was elated over our newest son's first Father's Day with my husband. I was focused on the sheer joy on my husband's face as he proudly walked into church and celebrated with his now SIX children.
Daddy would be okay with that.
No, Father's Day didn't pull my heart strings. Neither does today. It was a few days before my husband's family reunion that my heart felt heavy. It was the first thought of my father-in-law holding our new son that sprung tears into my eyes.
I didn't bawl. I just had to blink back some tears. Well, there were those that escaped down my cheeks, but not many. It didn't last long and I was fine several days later as I handed our baby boy over to Pops. I thought of my Daddy, but just fleetingly. I choice to enjoy the look on Pop's face at he looked down at his grandson with pride.
But I can't help but think today about how my son will never be held by my Daddy, or have him lay hands on him and pray.
But that's okay, because I happen to believe that my Daddy gets to glance down from heaven time to time. I believe he's seen his new grandson and that he thinks, "He's a fine boy!"
So even though this may sound a bit melancholy, it really isn't. These are just the thoughts that I've had today as I remember my Daddy and how amazingly terrific he was. I still have a void in my heart, and I always will. But I know that I'll see him again one day and as long as we choose to remember him, he's here with us.
~*~*~Krystal~*~*~
4 comments:
Bless you hun and your new bundle..Daddy is no doubt smiling up there with mine..............
Very nice thoughts :)
I know my dad is in Heaven, and I hope I make him proud.
The day before Father's Day this year, I learned my 26 year old son had been missing since March. No one knows where he is, only that he intentionally disappeared. When I asked why I hadn't been told, I was told, "We thought you knew".
I'm not whining, you understand. he's an adult. He can do as he wishes. I just wish I knew where he was.
Congrats on the new addition.
Mark, I can't imagine what you're dealing with. If one of my children took off like that I'd go insane. Here's praying he's okay and contacts you, or someone, soon.
Post a Comment