Last Friday I started cleaning out cabinets. It's a nesting thing. I combined a couple bottles and took out what wasn't ours. I was left with some creme' de menth (for baking), Bailey's Irish Cream, two different Rums.
I pulled out a bottle of Pina Colada mix (which I gave to my friend) and my mother's flavored vodka, her gin and six bottles of tonic water, which I asked her to take home with her (she lives about 3 hours away). Obviously I have no problem with the occasional drink, it was just a matter of space. I'm short of it. I'm getting rid of my own belongings, I can't store other people's belongings and a couple bottles of liquor isn't that big of a deal to take back and forth.
So we have this great weekend together. She leaves. The bottles are off my counter. I've been saying to my friends what a great time I had with my mom. I'm actually looking forward to her coming again.
And then ... last night the bottles reappeared.
She'd had my children put her hooch in the cabinets under the sink in their bathroom upstairs where I rarely go, and then told them to keep it from me.
Needless to say, I was irked. She went behind my back (disrespecting me, my home, not to mention showing passive aggressive behavior), involved my children in.hiding.liquor. (and how to be sneaky), and told them to keep it from me (she had them lie!)... So I called my husband. HE WAS TOTALLY PISSED! In a rare case, I was the calm one. I cannot remember the last time I heard him so angry.
I don't know the full details of the phone call between him and my mother, but I know it couldn't have been good. My children were hiding alcohol in their bathroom. We have children as young as 8 sleep over and USE THAT BATHROOM. If one of them had drank it and their parents found out and called the police, we'd be facing jail time. If one drank it and got hurt, we'd have been facing prison (about 5 years or more), loosing our home, and worst, loosing our children. If a child had drank it and died, we would have been facing 15+ years in prison, definitely would have lost our home and children.
I really love my Mom. I REALLY DO. But I'm growing quite tired of the childish behavior, the aggressive "I'm the mother and have the right to go against the wishes of my daughter and son-in-law in their home" attitude, the passive aggressive behavior (like hiding liquor in my home), the snippy remarks from her when I say "no non-housebroken animals in my house" (she NEVER would have allowed pee pads in her home growing up), etc.
I TRULY TRULY love her, but she SAYS she respects me, then puts her dog's pee pads on the floor when my husband and I BOTH told her "no", get nasty when I tell her the dog peed all over the carpet, hides liquor in my CHILDREN'S BATHROOM, and tells them to lie to me.
How does that in ANY way show respect?
***UPDATE***
Confirmed this morning with a friend who is a local cop ...
My 17-year-old would have faced the felony charges if anything had happened. My husband and I might or might not be charged since we didn't know about it. However, because the eldest knew it was within easy reach of minors, he'd definitely go to prison.
Just having had the liquor within easy reach was a felony. My mother could be charged with 2 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor for having them place it there if my husband and I chose to press charges (which of course we aren't). If another person's child had found it, or worse drank it, or worse still, been injured as a result of drinking it, she would be charged with aggravated felonies and extradited, and my eldest son would have faced the same charges. Both would have gone to prison.
Of course we would have visited our son.
But it would have been a living hell for us visiting our son in prison because his grandmother was behaving as a passive aggressive idiot trying to prove a point.
It would have RUINED my son's life. And I never would have forgiven her for that.
3 comments:
Yikes! That is some kind of scary. First, remember that your marriage is the most important relationship, so do whatever it takes to not let things like this rip the two of you apart. Your mom could do with a good shrink, I think.
Cliff, believe me, this isn't ripping us apart at all! We are in complete and total agreement!!!
I know she's your mother, but were I you I would never, ever let her in my home again. The dog thing is irksome, the drinking, meh, although If I were to be away from home I would think a restaurant more apropros for anything harder than wine, but to sneak and worse of all to LIE AND HAVE YOU CHILDREN lie?
No, I'm sorry. We would be done.
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