A Message to Men...If You're Man Enough to Read It

Before I say anything else, I want to say that what happened in Mary*ille was a tragedy, but it is also a time for grateful hearts and praise. Why? The man went in there with 3 clips, 10 rounds each. He had written "Death Day" or something close to it in his planner. He not only premeditated what he did, but he was planning on killing more than one person. He had thirty rounds and his gun jammed on the fourth round. For that we are thankful.

Now, men, this is especially for you. This is important. I am about to explain a very intrical part of women. If you take what I am about to write to heart, it will greatly improve your relationship with your wife/mother/sister/girlfriend/significant other. I say this with all seriousness.

PMS is real. It's scientifically proven. You must stop making light of it or brushing it off. I'm going to let you in on how it feels.

Back spasms can hurt...A LOT! They can reduce a man to near tears. Many women get lower back pain and/or spams for a couple or three days ahead of time. And they hurt...A LOT! You can't walk, sit, or move without the possibility of pain in the back. While you are dealing with that, you also get cramps.

Now guys, a good number of you like to make jokes about cramps. They aren't funny. They can be excruciating. Like being stabbed with a knife. Remember the last really bad case of food poisoning or stomach flu? You know that HORRIFIC pain in your stomach right before you blow chunk for the 18th time? Okay, imagine that, but without vomiting and relief that comes with it(well, some women vomit because the cramps are so bad they move up into the stomach...but this is like REALLY severe and there is no relief) .

Pressing on the area is a big no-no. Tender like a bruise that is black and purple and swollen. It truly can hurt this bad.

Now then we head on to the breast tenderness. Yeah, another big joke..."Da boobies hurt". Yeah, uuuuhhhh, sore testes anyone? Uh-hu. That's my point. I know we don't jar them when we sit, but those of us who are larger than others are acutely aware of just how often they do get bumped when we are PMS. Wearing a bra is quite uncomfortable. But taking it off is uncomfortable too (at least we don't feel the weight on our shoulders when it's off).

Then we have the mood issues. Too many men seem to find it funny or annoying the way women are "overly sensitive" once a month. Look, you wake up in the morning feeling sad. I don't mean down, depressed or just tired. I mean you just feel sad. The kind of sad that hurts. The kind of sad you feel when something really bad happens to someone you love. It's the sad you feel when you have to put your beloved pet down because of an illness or because a car hit him. It physically hurts.

And you don't know why. I mean, you KNOW why, but WHY? You try to fight the embarrassing tears (yeah, we don't enjoy it and you make it worse when you make it a joke) but they are sitting right there on the edge and a tiny shove is all it takes.

Then all of a sudden, you're not sad anymore. All is well with the world until BAM! you're angry at no one, for no reason! You remember the last time you put your fist through the wall? Yeah, THAT kind of anger.

But you have no one to hit and no excuse to hit them. So now you're just pissed off that you're pissed off. And then some total insensitive asshat has to make a comment about it "being that time of the month...?" ***asshole laughing ensues*** Let me assure it isn't a laughing matter. You men have no clue how to handle ONE strong, overwhelming emotion when you know where it's coming from and why. Try swinging on a pendulum from one extreme to the other. I doubt many of you would last 24 hours, much less 2-3 days. I don't say that as an insult. Men just usually aren't very good dealing with their emotions where women have no choice.

Then there's insomnia and exhaustion and cravings. You know cravings. Men get them. The only thing that tastes good is the ONE thing you crave.

So here's the list:
back spasms
cramps, some causing nausea
a bruised feeling over the ovary
sore breasts
a sadness that physically hurts
an unexplained and overwhelming anger
insomnia
exhaustion
food cravings

And you're still expected to care for the kids and the house and make dinner and blah, blah, blah...

What I'm trying to say is that a little more compassion and a little less joking...okay NO JOKING...would be so amazingly wonderful. We hurt physically and emotionally. Not all women have all the above symptoms. I didn't use to. Then I hit peri-menopause and HOLY SHIT! All of the symptoms increased in number and intensity and I got to add worry about when it was coming and how long it will last and how bad it will be. Not to freak any of you out or make you uncomfortable, but for real, when it's so bad you can't be away from a bathroom for more than an hour at a time? And don't even TRY to sleep.

It isn't a joke. It isn't comical. It's hell some months.

So here is what you need to try next month, and you'll be amazed at the results.

* Don't crack PMS jokes. It doesn't make you funny. It makes you an asshole.
* Don't say a word when she's sad. Just hold her and let her cry.
* Don't say a word when she's angry. Just let her be angry.
* Say you're sorry. I'm for real here. She'll realize later what you did for her and APPRECIATE IT. And you CAN be sorry...that she's having such a difficult time.
* Don't' EVER tell her to "calm down" or "it's just pickles". As long as she isn't throwing knives or other sharp objects, she IS calm. And they aren't "just pickles". They were HER pickles. And she'd been craving a cheeseburger all day and cheeseburgers NEED DILL PICKLES DAMN IT! And the kids let her go to the store without telling her they'd eaten HER pickles. And they let her make the cheeseburgers without telling her they'd eaten HER pickles. Telling me...I mean her...to calm down like 15 times when I'm...I mean she...is making dinner without slamming anything but just being upset about the pickles can ONLY END WITH ONE RESULT...

her telling you to shut the hell up.

And considering the number of times it's been said to just let her rant with your mouth shut, it really will be your fault.

Telling a woman in heavy PMS to calm down, is like poking an angry pit bull with a stick. It's stupid.

And unless you want to see a quick swing from tears to screaming anger, I'd stay away from telling her it's going to be okay.

Validation.

That's what we need.

Validation that it isn't funny, that it is painful, that we are dealing with emotions that come on sudden and strong (which is confusing) and that it's okay to not go through the day as if NOTHING is wrong. Validation. Our feelings are real. Our pain is real. And for the love of all creation, we don't have to put on this big fake smile so YOU aren't uncomfortable or put out. It's just 2-3 days. The other 25 or so we can give you the best of what we have.

But for those 2-3 days of hell, just PLEASE cut us some slack. K?

And if one of these days should happen to fall on her deceased Daddy's birthday? Well, you REALLY need to cut her some slack. I'm sure she's having an especially hard time.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Peace Out,

~*~*~Krystal~*~*~