So much to blog...

Okay. This is what's going on with me. I have brain fog. Like a lot. and I have since the accident. I use to read books like Dorian Gray and Monte Cristo (unabridged) and Dante's Inferno. I read the writings of Dostoevsky and Kahlil Gibran. Now I read two pages and I'm lost because I can't remember what I've read or I can't comprehend it.

I use to be able to read chapters from the Bible and understand. Now I can only read a few verses at a time and have to stop. I can't read my NIV because "shall" makes no sense to me. I have to mentally make an effort to say that shall means should or will.

I couldn't sit through Bible study last night at church. After about twenty minutes my mind was in such a fog, it was spinning so bad that I had to get up and leave or I would have burst into tears. I couldn't take any sounds. I didn't want to hear a voice. I sat in the back room and covered my ears for a minute or so just to be in silence so I could still my head. I went back in after about 10-15 minutes. I can't tell you details of what the minister said during the twenty minutes I was in there though. He mentioned Hosea, the divided kingdom of Israel, Ahab and his son, Omri. One of them married Jezebel and brough Baal worship to Israel. I don't have details in my head, but I remember that much.

I'm twitchy sometimes. My right arm when bent to my side, like when I'm sitting, will twitch. My left eyelid twitches evidently as well (I've been told). I repeat myself and am unaware of it. I misplace things. I can't remember things.

My hands shake doing fine motor skills. I can't sew. I can't do detailed scrapbooking. My hand shakes sometimes as it gets close to my mouth when I eat. So much for soup, eh? LOL!

Sometimes my brain gets so foggy that I feel like I'm lost. I can't remember why I was going the way I was or what I should or could do. I can't make decisions sometimes. I just feel lost. I use to be able to do things like 37 x 7 in my head in a few seconds. Now I take half a minute or more, and am frequently wrong. I was considering going back to school and had already talked with an enrollment counselor. I don't know how I would be able to do school if I'm like this. I'd need help. I'm hyper-sensitive to sound and light.

My doctor says it probably will go away. He says it will probably not be permanent. Of course it's the word "probably" that nags at me. What if I'm like this for the rest of my life? Then I guess I'll go on.

Helen Keller

They've a new picture of her with her teacher Anne Sullivan. It's the earliest known. I mention this because what Keller and Sullivan accomplished is beyond amazing. In a time when a blind deaf mute would be tossed aside and disregarded as a poor sould or useless or worthless. Keller went on to learn to read sevearl languages in Braille. She was an amazing woman, as was her teacher. They are forever a lesson to the world what love and determination can accomplish. If you do not know about the story of Helen Keller, please read about her.

SNOW!! SNOW!! SNOW!!

Yes, it's coming my way. Supposedly there's lots of it. Maybe I'll finally get to take my kids sledding!!! They've never been. I haven't since I was a kid. I have two snow saucers and I have every intention of going up that hill and riding one all the way to the bottom!

Maybe I should wear a helmet...

But I'm doing it! I'm going to ride down in the snow and laugh and yell like a kid and enjoy every minute of it! I'm going to keep one saucer totally to myself and make all five kids share the other one! I'm going to laugh and giggle like I were ten! Except now I'm old enough to truly understand how important it is to make the most out of every joy in life. I want to feel the THRILL of it all over again.

And this time I'm going to bask in it and soak it all up. One day I'll be 75. And I still plan to go sliding down a hill of snow in my saucer!

Damn the torpedos! FULL STEAM AHEAD!